Breaking up is hard to do…

On the 30th of June thousands of us marched through the streets of London as a statement for our equal rights. Although many used Mardi Gras as an excuse for a huge party, there were many campaigning on the serious issues facing our community. As this year's theme was partnership rights, we look at how unmarried couples currently run their finances and how this would change along with full marital rights?

Our relationships are famous for being turbulent and short term. The ones that survive past the honeymoon period tend to operate under very different methods than our straight counterparts. These methods urge us to be wary of financial commitment and make legal arrangements when we do.
Is this just sensible planning or a sign of our lack of willingness to make it work?

Relationships

We have a track record of being promiscuous, and being less likely to commit. When we commit, the contract under which we operate can be formulated in many ways.

There does not seem to be any set rules in "our world". We tend to operate in a far less judge-mental and more liberated community. For example, it's not unusual for a 22 year old, to have a relationship with a 50 year old sugar daddy or mummy.

Many relationships start off monogamous, move to lying and cheating, but where straight marriages normally end, tend to move onto being open ended arrangements in order to survive. 

Having your cake and eat it can take an awful lot of pressure from a relationship, provided each party respects each others feelings. Gays and Lesbians seem much better at differentiating between love and sex.

To add more confusion, some are committed to a more homely and settled lifestyle. The emergence of groups such as Pink Parents prove that certain elements of our community are keen to take on responsibilities of parenthood. It's not only women who want children - gay men are also helping to create little miracles. 

All of these variables lead us to be more wary of making financial commitment and mean that if we do, that we take precautions…

Home

Due to higher disposable income, gay men and women are likely to spend more on their home environment. This could take the form of a bigger mortgage, or more on improvements like decor and furniture.

Separate

Some couples do not live together, with separate environments / homes being common. Many live together either part of a week or at weekends only. This allows both parties some freedom away from the relationship. This can be a good way of finding out if you would be able to live together. Each may maintain their own mortgage and expenses, and consider it a price worth paying. If the relationship falters, the financial side is very straight forward - each going their individual way. 

Joint

The ones that do decide to pool their resources and move in together, may bring differing assets to the proposition. The uncertainties discussed earlier mean that same sex couples are much more likely to draw up legal documents. This is seen as a natural thing to do, and can save a great deal of argument if separation occurs. One may have equity from a previous property, while the other has a larger salary. It is normal for each party to have their original equity / cash back before splitting profit between them.

Both Worlds

Some couples may move into one of their properties, whilst letting the other out. This means that they maintain an exit route if required, but it is not unlikely that one party will pay all of the bills while the other covers the monthly mortgage payment. Alternatively many couples maintain one central bills account, whilst each maintains there own private current account. This allows the joint finances to be defined from any personal disposable income used for discretionary spending. 

Gay Marriage

We are currently lobbying the government hard, for the equal treatment of relationships. Although, this is a good thing for our human rights, the gay community should consider the implications for their finances. If two people are joined together in a civil ceremony, this is no longer a statement about our rights - it is the real thing.

Gay men and women normally are together a while before they nominate each other on their pension funds in the event of death. However, in marriage they would become each others financial dependent and beneficiary automatically.

This will also mean that in the event of breaking up, each would be in a position to lay claim to any pension funds, property, endowments, investments and a share of total wealth. Legislation for straight divorcing couples has recently been altered to allow claims on pension funds. 

After the marital home the biggest asset is likely to be the bread winner's pension scheme. As these assets are not normally liquid, other assets such as savings and insurance policies have traditionally been used to make an agreement. In the future the value of any pension assets are likely to be taken into account by each party's lawyers.

If gay couples are allowed to marry, we should be aware that we'll be committing to the merger of all assets. This will therefore create a greater importance on pre- marital arrangements and laying down formal rules in case things don't work out. Just because we want to adopt an equivalent form of legal status to form our partnerships, it does not mean we should also adopt the straight financial model of leaving it all to the courts to decide. 

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